You cannot change someone to be what you expect them to be, nor can they change you to their expectations.
I am married and I accept my wife for who she is as a person, not perfect, but then neither am I. She also accepts me for what I am. We both respect each other and our relationship was based on getting to know each other first before indulging in the intimate side of things. We then lived together, (when you get to know everything about your partner), before getting married.
Our relationship has changed since we got married, and we don't view marriage as a contract (as a business arrangement that can be got out of when the going gets tough).
Our relationship has got stronger through the problems that we have had to overcome together, things that other people could quite easily walk away from.
To us marriage isn't made from expectation rather our commitment to each other to love and grow together and enhance each others lives as a unit.
Disillusioned - No
Enlightened - Yes!Does marriage imply too much expectations so that most couples end up disillusioned? Is it more for the women?
With an open line of communication, there shouldn't be expections...but simply a natural flow of collaboration. Disallusionment occurs with less communication and increasing distance created possibly by burdens of all kinds--work, keeping house tidy, kids, etc.
Couples would not end up disallusioned unless they feel ';trapped'; in a commitment they can not handle or feel doubtful of the commitment for some reason. Every now and then, a large majority of couples feel some doubt, and isn't this only natural part of ups and downs of life?
Are you referring to marriage,expectations, or disillusionment being more for the women? Being women doesn't necessarily give us propensities for marriage, expectations, or disillusionment. It's how we were raised that affect the relationship and the lives we build with the spouse. Some people highly value family and family order so they do all they can to do everything and thus, there are no unfulfilled expectations. If things can't be done, there should always be a line of communication.Does marriage imply too much expectations so that most couples end up disillusioned? Is it more for the women?
Two bodies in one soul joined together by love but living a life differently. Realistic expectations should be the case. A man before being married to a woman or vice versa is totally different from each other which should be understood and accepted. If there is a need to change these changes should be for the best and for the growth of the marriage life.
No. Marriage is a contract where there are 'reasonsable' expectations that both parties agree to. It is the fact that people do not properly consider what these agreements are and what they might mean specifically to them in their marriage before they marry that they then develop 'unreasonable' expectations. People who cohabit have to negotiate these things throughout their relationship or see those relationships fall apart. There is nothing wrong in setting up 'expectations' - there ought instead to be forums for people to be guided through the details as a couple prior to their marriage ceremony. (There is no natural forum for those choosing civil marriage only as opposed to religious ceremony).
Good question!
Marriage is the union of man and woman. Expectations are necessarily anticipated by the new couple. Indeed i would personally and honestly say that the expectation is more for the women. When a man woos a woman he offers to give all the world for her. And when she marries him he does. Man is for woman a means. The end is always the child. Women's perfection and happiness lies in motherhood. Everything in woman is riddle, and everything in woman has one answer: its name is childbearing. This i think every women expects when they enter into marriage. Women forget the world as soon as the child comes. The altruism of love becomes the egoism of the family.
Honestly, having a family is the most happiest and greatest experience i had in my seven years of marriage. We have a three-year old cute daughter and i don't see it us a disillusion but more of showing love and affection from each other..... for better or for worst and for richer and for poorer. This i think is the best attitude for couples to hold on. Marriage is the way Nature makes to continue the reproduction of life.
Thanks for asking. Have a great day!
It's not marriage that's the problem, nor the expectations of same. The problem is immature people going into the marriage contract without fully knowing what a healthy satisfying marriage is. What it is NOT, is having your own way all the time. What it is not is having your every wildest dream fulfilled. It's about love and sacrifice, and more sacrifice. It's about giving as much as you receive... These days there aren't many people, male or female, who are willing to give, and to sacrifice, for the sake of the relationship.
In my opinion, marriage demands the ideal--and rightly so-- which couples fail to attain even with the least of their expectations. If two people tie the knot, they're preoccupied more with the new found bliss of being together at last than how their marriage will last in the first place. Some will fulfill their vows of being together through joys and sorrows. Others, unfortunately, don't and this is where disillusionment come as the reason why the marriage didn't work. And I suppose women suffer more than men in the aftermath.
i guess so. but it depends on how couples see marriage as it is. for the most part, i think compromise is more like the game inside a marriage, and the only expectation both party must meet is the satisfaction of a well balanced give-and-take relationship, more so because couples are binded not only by legalities and sacredness but also because they find it in their heart to make their marriage work and lasts. the pressure on most women is that we are expected of being the passive voice in a marriage. i guess this is a traditional point of view of society that women are more expected to handle the marriage and make it sure to keep the marriage flowing without any rough tides. i think most people are dissillusioned by the prospect of marriage because it is a very binding relationship that not every one can easily get out of it in one piece. i mean, divorce rate is really booming, and even celebrities take marriage as sort of contract that is very difficult, not only does it cost a deal of money to get in a marriage, but also in getting out. women has the hardest part, although most are not disillusioned, some are very cautious in extremes because of high expectations and stereotypes. but i know of women who still take a risk and come out beautiful in the end. i guess the only thing that matters is how couple should take into consideration what they can offer and do for a marriage to work-and if does not, then there's nothing to do but hope for a better one. learn from the mistakes from the past then make peace with, so it won't screw up the present. =)
';Fools rush in where wise men dare not tread';.
I lived with my wife for 4 years before we got married. If there had been too many expectations or disillusions we would not have married. That is not to suggest there were no ';fall-outs'; in this time, but we both give it a trial run and ended up looking forward to getting married. We got the licence and continued on the way we where for another 4 years until the birth of our son.......but that's another story!!
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